Pandemic Weeks 39/40

Anyone else feeling how dark outside it gets so early these days? I’ve always noticed it – but it was more of a feeling of hating leaving work and it being dark already vs how I’m noticing it now and really feeling how heavy it feels. It’s only 4:30 as I’m writing this and already it’s starting to get dark. Time to close the curtains already because there’s no point having them open without sun to come in. Now don’t get me wrong, I love the night and looking up at the sky – I just want to to come later in the day and not what still feels like afternoon.

I’m happy to be writing that my back is definitely better than it was. It’s no longer painful just existing and I’m able to find comfortable positions to sleep now. It’s not completely better – it always take a while for anything to completely heal on my body. I’m just glad to not be in constant pain and needing to take pain meds anymore. I’m back to taking walks a few days a week and have kept up with the restorative yoga for stretching. I can’t walk for too long without my back tightening up, but I know that will slowly get better the more I go out. I think a big thing with being off and home more that contributed to it hurting in the first place is how soft my bed is.  So after doing some reading, I decided to order a firm mattress topper.  It’s organic latex and just came a few days ago.  It’s not as firm as I was expecting, but it’s definitely given my bed some extra support.  The extra 2″ on my bed have made it so my sheets no longer fit though – so now I’m waiting for deeper sheets to arrive. 

Finished up a few holiday cards and got them written while I had the mental energy to do them.  I didn’t send nearly as many as I have before, but there are many years where I don’t send any of them at all. I hope I mailed them soon enough that they get there in time – but who knows with how the postal system has been. I do have a few more I’d like to get done and sent out in the next few days on one of my next walks. I’ve been walking about every other day to the mailbox and playing Pokemon Go. 

Speaking of mental energy, I’ve been feeling pretty low lately – but more of a numb monotone low and not all consuming frozen. Just needing lots of quiet personal space and not feeling social. Yet also needing the social distraction to keep the anxiety down.  It’s a weird kind of overlapping that doesn’t support each other – needing both quiet alone time but also social. I keep having these thoughts of wanting to check in and say hi to friends and see how they’re holding up and what’s new with them, but not having the energy to have full conversations so that has made me feel frozen for reaching out. That’s where those Christmas cards have come in – a way to check in and send those thoughts without having to have a full on conversation. 

I’d love to find some motivation to get some of my to-do list done.  I need to maybe break it up into smaller pieces to make it feel more manageable and not as overwhelming. I STILL haven’t done my taxes yet.  I’ve never ever been late in doing them and I do them myself, so I really need to get on that. I haven’t been the most organized with my receipts (like for postage) and getting those together is what’s holding me back.  I could really use the refund money right about now though! I went live in my VIP group to unbox an order and share what I got and also did a new mani for Christmas.  I have some house work I’d like to stay on top of too.  I’m still having trouble sleeping so my brain gets foggy and the broken sleep doesn’t help with the depression which doesn’t help with having that drive to do anything. What a cycle.  I’m trying to be kind and gentle on myself. 

I’ve been having thoughts of my Oma who passed away 2.5 years ago. It’s been really nice watching Jay light the candles on the menorah these last few days in his live videos and I appreciate that he’s sharing that with us.  Watching the lit candles has been comforting and reminds me of her.  I have one of her menorah’s here, but we’re not decorating at all so I haven’t pulled it out.  I’ll go more in depth with our traditions and what we did or didn’t do in next weeks write up as it will be mostly holiday related I suspect. 

That’s about it around here these last 2 weeks – I didn’t have a ton of energy to get this out last week so it’s turned into another double week update. I hope you’re all staying healthy out there. 

Until next time, xoxo