This first week felt like it went by SO quickly! I guess filling my days with lots of stuff will do that. I certainly can’t say I’m bored. I have had many weeks/months while home that felt like time just stopped and went so slow, so it’s nice to feel it moving.
So where’s my head at now? The excitement and motivation of making CHANGES has really helped lift me from feeling really low and depressed. I’m able to get up most days and actually do things. The anxiety is still there though. It has some moments of quiet but as the night gets quieter, it creeps back up. So it definitely is still affecting my sleep. My mind has trouble quieting and most night I’m up until between 4-6am again. Once I fall asleep I’m good though and have been getting a good 8 hours of sleep now – so better than I was months ago when I would only get 3-4 hours.
I’ve been doing really well with moving my body every day and eating within the calories I’ve got set as well as adding more produce. Frozen fruits have been my savior. I put 2-3 portions in a bowl of different kinds and make myself a fruit salad. I just need to let it thaw. Sometimes I mix yogurt in it and it’s so good!
I’ve been busy with my VIP pages and I think I got all the social medias cleaned up and ready for the rebranding, which feels wonderful. I just need to make a call to see how it’s going to affect things and make sure it’s not going to mess my situation up while off work.
I’ve been taking breaks and still doing some of those things I enjoy like logging into Animal Crossing, Pokemon GO and playing Heroclix – this week I played with both my kiddo at home and online with a friend and actually tried out a new team! It needs tweaking for sure, but I had fun playing it. I have another one to try out too.
I’ve got a bunch of stuff leaving the house in my decluttering too – which feels great. My stock sale is slowly having more and more go. I found a couple places to list things to donate too – the freecycle/trash nothing app and a Facebook group for my area.
And then BAM – there goes a 180 with an emotional meltdown. I’d written up to this point last weekend, a day before I was ready to post it for week 45 and when I went to go to bed I had inconsolable tears and couldn’t fall asleep at all which messed up the sleep ever since and now I’ve been trying to get it back on track. It’s hard battling everything in my head like this and most times I’m really good with being alone but that night I just felt so lonely and just wished I could feel safe in an embrace. This last week I’ve been not falling asleep before 6am and some days has been past 9am and waking around 1pm – so only getting about 4 hours sleep and still not being able to fall asleep again. Needless to say I’m feeling super exhausted this whole week. I really hope I can get it back to a semblance of normal soon.
I really do try and pull the positives out of situations but sometimes it’s hard and learning to allow myself to be ok with having hard times is something I’m working to be more comfortable with. So that’s how this post got stretched to be a biweekly one instead of weekly – I just didn’t have the energy to proof it with the messed up sleep schedule. I never post the day I finish writing – I always look at it with a fresh set of eyes the next day before sending it out into the world.
So as we now wrap up the first month of 2021, I can say that I’m proud that I’ve stuck with all the changes I said I wanted to put into place and have done something in all aspects I wanted to touch with change. I’m moving my body more than I was from the beginning of lockdown. I’m eating more produce than I was before. I’m staying within my calories to allow for weight loss (and down about 10 lbs this month!). I’ve gotten some stuff out of the house or put properly in it’s place.
Here we go – into February strong!
Until next time, xoxo