Another week down. I’m losing sense of time and the days keep mashing together. I’m glad that I’m writing weekly like this to have something to look back on when this is all done. As always, I’m going to share about how this week has been, how I’m feeling and find the glimmers of positive so I don’t just talk on the negative.
I’m finding myself feeling very overwhelmed and struggling hard. I’m finding it so hard to come out of my room still with having an extra person in the house. Add that to what I’m sure everyone is feeling with the inability to just go to the store to get something. It’s such a change of mindset having to pre-plan and then cross your fingers that what you’re looking for is actually there when someone does go out or the next delivery order is coming. So I find myself rationing and not wanting to eat the shelf stable snacks I have to make them last longer. Then with only really leaving my room around dinner, I’m sure I’m not nourishing my body as I should be. I do have vitamins and I am drinking a bunch of water, so at least there’s that.
I wanted to talk sleep. Insomnia has been hitting me hard this week. So much that I even wrote down notes on my daily sleep so I could keep track of it.
Monday I crashed at midnight and woke at 5am then crashed at 10am-2. Tuesday I was up all night till 6am and woke at 10:30. Wednesday I was up past 7am and woke at 1:30. Thursday was 6am until 2pm. Friday I felt tired at 2 then tossed and turned till 4 and woke up at 6:30. Saturday evening I ended up napping from 5-7:30pm. Saturday night I felt tired around 2 but couldn’t fall asleep until 6am and slept till 2pm. So it’s a whole lot of being up all night. I’ve noticed that my mental static has been extra loud this week. It comes and goes, or at least gets softer so I don’t notice it as often. But at night, it’s been loud. Not always the same noises either. I’ts been varying between humming, wooshing and squeaking.
All of this together is really messing with my motivation to do anything. I have a huge list of things I’d like to do but don’t want to do the downstairs stuff at all right now. The upstairs stuff I’m just having trouble getting the energy to start. I’m doing short spurts of things but with all this time off, I can’t help but think I should be getting more stuff done. But I’m just letting myself feel the feels and not putting and pressure or expectations on myself and I’m not allowing any guilt for the lack of being productive.
I had to re-apply for EI this week. My previous claim from when I was off work only had 3 weeks left on it before the end date of it expired, and I got paid out. They sent me a correspondence that I could re-apply if I’ve worked since the previous claim and and have accumulated enough hours – and I have. So now I’m in the waiting process for that one to be approved. Then we’ll see if I actually get that or if they roll me into the CERB.
Let’s look at some positives for the week. I watched Phantom of the Opera on YouTube. The YouTube channel called The Shows Must Go On is putting up a different musical for 48 hours only every weekend that you can watch for free. Also on YouTube, I was watching something else that made me actually laugh out loud – which is something I feel like I haven’t done in quite a while. I even grabbed Zack and made him watch it and he laughed too. I also actually left the house this week for 5 minutes and walked to the mailbox. I finally got the cards I’ve been working on done and it felt really good to finish them and to leave the house for a few minutes. I waited until 10 at night when the stores were closed so there would be less chance of having to avoid people on the sidewalk and it worked. Not one person passed on the way. I’ve also pulled out a positive of the insomnia – getting to hear birds chirping in the morning as the sun is coming up. You all know I’m not an animal person but I really enjoyed the peaceful sound of them chirping, almost as much as I enjoyed the rain on the window last week.
I guess that’s about it for this past week. Stay healthy and safe.
Until next time, xoxo