Numbers still increasing here. The rolling average is again higher than it was last week – so this 4th wave is definitely here. I’m not hearing anything about lockdowns again, so hopefully we’ll remain open and still able to live our lives. I’d really prefer to keep working! They are talking about implementing vaccine passports but I haven’t heard any specifics on it yet.
This has been a very difficult emotional and anxiety filled week and I’m still feeling it strong tonight as the week is ending. Very much on the verge of tears often and just so wound up and absolutely drained. I can’t even put it into words properly. I have this heaviness of worry, uncertainty, scared feeling, sadness, disgust and anger. I really hope it subsides soon – but I can’t see that happening, unfortunately. The wooshing anxiety static noise in my head is back too. I’ve been having some more quiet stretches without the noise but it’s back again. I’m still a week out from my next therapy appointment and it can’t come soon enough. All I can say is I’m SO glad that I’ve got the CBD here because I don’t think I’d be getting sleep otherwise.
I’m feeling super grateful for friends though. I have an amazing circle of people who love and support me and are always there to listen when I need an ear – if I’m strong enough to reach out and say I need someone to listen.
I’m doing my best to keep busy and distract myself. Work certainly helps with that and I’m glad I was able to get together with friends over the weekend to play some Heroclix. There was a sealed event for the Rise and Fall set that was just released. I pulled a few things I needed that I didn’t get in my case – so that was good. I ended up going 1-2 with my little X-Men team (I think it was almost all commons/uncommons with 1 rare that I ended up playing), but it’s all good because I had a blast and it was great seeing people I hadn’t seen in about 2 years. Mike and I even drove to another shop on the way home and bought some singles, filling even more holes in our collections.
As much as I was trying to stay busy with all the distraction, I was also being gentle on myself and allowed myself to clear some stuff on my plate, slowed down and rested. If you noticed, I didn’t put up a self care post of the week this week. I just didn’t have the energy to finish writing it. It’s about half written and will go up this week instead. I also took the weekend slower. Let myself just relax in bed for a few hours with my tea and some YouTube and just let housework and side business work to wait a little longer. I really want to get my tutorials filmed and wanted to do that today on Sunday, but (real talk here) I didn’t feel like getting dressed. So for the first time in a very long time, I’m going to work with my nails not done and the plan is to film when I get home from work tomorrow. I definitely would have done my nails if I wasn’t planning to film. I just know that it’ll be another few weeks before I do a new mani and I don’t want to wait that long to film.
Physically I’m still on my daily yoga streak and I haven’t missed a day since I started. I’m glad I decided to move up to the next stage of the app instead of staying where I was. I’ve discovered that I hardly need the support of the chair – but I do keep it close by because there is the odd move that I do need to catch myself on something if my balance isn’t the greatest. I am definitely noticing a difference in my body though. I’m not as stiff or sore and my flexibility is improving. I’ve also been still walking every day after work. I’m so proud that I no longer need to stop at bus stop benches on the route I’m walking because my knee isn’t as sore and my lower back isn’t seizing up on me like it was when I started. Now my plan is to try and increase a little bit the number of steps from 6k to closer to 7k.
Fingers crossed for a less anxious week this week. Even though I don’t see that happening, I’m trying to stay positive and hopeful.
Until next time, xoxo