It feels like there’s almost no news anymore around the pandemic and numbers anymore and it’s mostly estimates from waste water, but they’re saying it’s still very prevalent. A lot of people are still masking, even with the mandate lifted but I’m noticing slowly as days go on that there are more and more not wearing them anymore. It is still required on public transit and in medical settings.
This has been a hard couple of weeks and I didn’t feel strong enough to write last week.
My anxiety has been high these last few weeks. Very overwhelmed with things work related and frustrated that the answers are taking so long to find. It feels like there aren’t enough hours in the day and it’s hard to turn my brain off from it when home. I have gotten to the point that I no longer open work emails from home and try and separate personal life from work life.
Mental health issues suck. Not just for me, but also for those around to me. I wish there was more I could do for others to help lift the huge weight of hurt they’re struggling in their head. Being one who experiences the struggles personally, I know that it’s on me to work on my issues and find things that help me cope or lift it just a little bit and there isn’t anything that anyone external can do to make it go away. Yes, having a support system and people there for you is fantastic and I have that with a great network of people in my life – but in the end, it’s on me for me. Again, always easier to say when my mind is okay and harder to put into practice in the moment, and I know this. I always know things logically when I think on it and break it down. But when I’m there, in the moment, it’s so hard to stop and do it.
I’m going to be a little vague here for privacy of others, but I very much had to step way out of my comfort zone and just act instead of overthinking. I know some of my triggers that cause my anxiety to spike and normally I would avoid doing it or would freeze and be unable to do it. Making phone calls, being scared of doing something wrong, speaking to people in authority positions and the unknown. Somehow I was able to push past it all and do what was needed in that moment. I was visibly shaking for hours and super emotional, but I did it.
I’m super grateful that this was also a therapy week and I was able to talk through and help unpack some of what’s been going on in my head. Reminders of things that help keep me grounded and calm me, processing things around me and working on ways to keep myself healthy while being there for others. It’s easy as an empath to take on too much from those around me and I need to be careful that things around me don’t pull me down.
On the Heroclix front, I played another sealed game with the kiddo and starting a bit of team building, including some of the upcoming set that excites me. I think a few of the pieces I want to use are on the retirement list, so I’m going to have to tweak it for sure, but I can’t wait to try it out. I’m very excited that Worlds was announced for September in Graceland again and I hope everything will be okay with the world to be able to travel to it. I SO miss the big tournaments and can’t wait to get back to them again.
On the biz side, I’m super excited that I booked my first in person vendor event for Color Street for the end of May. That means I have a little time to prepare and get things for my table and increase my stock a little more too. I also re-designed my business card and they just came in the mail the other day. I like it much better. Less cluttered words and an added QR code. So look out for it in your next thank you card when you place an order! Oh, and my current mani is a creative combination that I saw someone else online do and I fell in love with it and had to try it. I used the plain black as a slanted tip and then added the clear with black lines overtop to finish the look.
In good medical news, I got a call from Healthcare Connect and they’ve helped me find a family doctor in my area that is accepting new patients. I have set up my interview appointment and it’s in 2 weeks. Fingers crossed that we’re a fit and I’ll have a family doctor again. It was so crappy what happened with the last one – for those who don’t know, about 5 years ago I found a doctor after not having one for quite a few years. Just before COVID, I went to go see her and she was gone. No longer practicing and I had no clue, I wasn’t notified. No answer when I called the office. And since I was in the hospital and they discovered that I’m severely anemic, I need to be followed with regular blood checks to make sure I’m staying in a good zone with the supplements I’m taking and not going either too high or too low.
My sleep hasn’t been the greatest with the anxiety I’ve been having so I’ve gone back to using the CBD vape a few times a week as needed. I haven’t needed it the last few months, but I’m really glad that it’s a tool in my toolbox of things I can use when needed. As for movement, I’ve been good at walking most days after work still. I think the only times I’ve missed have been days where I’ve worked a 12 hour day or day’s I got a drive home.
I ended the week with a great night out with a girlfriend. I’m so glad we can do our in person catch-up sessions again now that the world is open again. We do dinner and then sit in the car for hours just talking about what’s gong on lately, venting, laughing and being there for each other with zero judgement.
That’s me this week. If you’re feeling in crisis, please reach out to someone. You’re loved and wanted in peoples lives.
Until next time, xoxo